photo by dominikgolenia
My mom’s on-and-off best friend of the last 15 years rests on life support today. Over the weekend complications from emergency surgery for an aneurysm led to bleeding in the brain, and doctors told her family that recovery was unlikely. It seems that it’s less a matter of if the plug is pulled than when the family is ready to do so.
In discussing with my mom the tough decisions Ellen’s family faces and the unfairness of the situation, I’m reminded of the little ways those a few degrees removed can lend a hand in a time of crisis.
Phone Chains
Extended family and a network of friends would like to be kept in the loop about changes in the patient’s condition or details about memorial service plans. Close family members are focused on the ill or beginning to grieve.
Volunteer to be the point person for people seeking information. That way, a family member can check in with you once or twice a day and everyone else can check in with you. It lifts a huge burden off those closest to the sick or recently deceased.
Babysitting
Parents sometimes need a break when juggling young kids and grandma in the hospital.
Offer to take the kids to the park, the movies or the mall for a few hours to give the parents the opportunity to either take a break or put their full focus on the sick, dying or deceased loved one.
Food
When family members are rotating shifts at a loved one’s bed side, they’re not planning their 3 square meals. Most hospital food leaves much to be desired. Soup and sandwiches are easy to drop off for those relatives.
When they get home from a long day at the hospital or in the days following funeral proceedings, prepping a meal is not what anyone wants to do. Schedule a time to drop off one pan meals that are easy to cook or reheat, like ziti, minestrone soup, lasagna and chicken marsala.
For those of you not particularly adept in the kitchen, gift certificates to local restaurants and meal services that deliver also make difference.
Housework
When dealing with the realities of a prolonged illness, the less important household chores fall by the wayside. Cleaning house takes energy and effort, which those holding a family together don’t have to spare.
For close family and friends, volunteer to come over on a Saturday to change the linens, to vacuum and to do a few loads of laundry. Alternately, you could pay for several hours of a cleaning service to do the same at the home owner’s or renter’s convenience.
Unfortunately, prolonged terminal illnesses, freak accidents, and sudden deaths happen, but you can try to help lighten the load a bit for those coping. How do you lend a hand?
