Tag Archive for 'death'

How to lend support in times of crisis

Published on November 19, 2008 in Health and Society. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , .

illness

photo by dominikgolenia

My mom’s on-and-off best friend of the last 15 years rests on life support today. Over the weekend complications from emergency surgery for an aneurysm led to bleeding in the brain, and doctors told her family that recovery was unlikely. It seems that it’s less a matter of if the plug is pulled than when the family is ready to do so.

In discussing with my mom the tough decisions Ellen’s family faces and the unfairness of the situation, I’m reminded of the little ways those a few degrees removed can lend a hand in a time of crisis.

Phone Chains

Extended family and a network of friends would like to be kept in the loop about changes in the patient’s condition or details about memorial service plans.  Close family members are focused on the ill or beginning to grieve.

Volunteer to be the point person for people seeking information.  That way, a family member can check in with you once or twice a day and everyone else can check in with you.  It lifts a huge burden off those closest to the sick or recently deceased.

Babysitting

Parents sometimes need a break when juggling young kids and grandma in the hospital.

Offer to take the kids to the park, the movies or the mall for a few hours to give the parents the opportunity to either take a break or put their full focus on the sick, dying or deceased loved one.

Food

When family members are rotating shifts at a loved one’s bed side, they’re not planning their 3 square meals.  Most hospital food leaves much to be desired.  Soup and sandwiches are easy to drop off for those relatives.

When they get home from a long day at the hospital or in the days following funeral proceedings, prepping a meal is not what anyone wants to do. Schedule a time to drop off one pan meals that are easy to cook or reheat, like ziti, minestrone soup, lasagna and chicken marsala.

For those of you not particularly adept in the kitchen, gift certificates to local restaurants and meal services that deliver also make difference.

Housework

When dealing with the realities of a prolonged illness, the less important household chores fall by the wayside.   Cleaning house takes energy and effort, which those holding a family together don’t have to spare.

For close family and friends, volunteer to come over on a Saturday to change the linens, to vacuum and to do a few loads of laundry.   Alternately, you could pay for several hours of a cleaning service to do the same at the home owner’s or renter’s convenience.

Unfortunately, prolonged terminal illnesses, freak accidents, and sudden deaths happen, but you can try to help lighten the load a bit for those coping.   How do you lend a hand?

AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Dreams of Leaving

Published on September 25, 2007 in Health. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

American culture is obsessed with youth and youthfullness. Paris, Britney, and Lindsay consistency grace the covers of tabloids with their latest attention getting antics. People buy memberships they don’t use often enough, while others go under the knife to lift, staple, peel and enhance body parts that are showing the wear and tear of life. Advancing science keeps people alive longer with the assistance of costly medical intervention. 50 is the new 30.

Americans look at living as if it’s a linear experience moving forward in space that is infinite in its duration. Despite the struggles and obstacles we face, death is to be avoid at all costs. The “circle” of life just isn’t acceptable if modern medicine can keep you in the game a bit longer.

The terminally ill who accept death and want to go directly to exit, are diagnosed as depressed. Because anything less than a desire to live and suffer on is unacceptable and not understood.

When it comes to making decisions for incapacitated relatives, family members have difficulty deciding how long is long enough in waiting for a miraculous recovery before decided it’s time to pull the plug. Quality of life isn’t the focus of the issue, so much as life itself.

Salon columnist and neurologist Richard Burton discusses a recent study that is going to make those decisions that much more complicated. British and Belgian neuroscientists recently demonstrated that one of their patients

was consciously aware of herself and her surroundings, and was willfully following instructions given to her, despite her diagnosis of a vegetative state.

While in an MRI machine, she was asked to do some basic mental tasks, from simply relaxing to imagining herself navigating her home. The results were compared that that of a healthy person, free of brain injury. Turns out the PVS patients saw brain activity in the same areas of the brain as the healthy individual. Her brain firing in the same way in now way implies that she consciously recognized completing the tasked of her. As Burton points out, that patient is basically functioning on autopilot, much like we all do driving to and from common destinations.

I liken it to training the family dog. Think about how quickly a dog learns its name. You could be having a run of the mill conversation with someone else, but when “Lucky” hears his name, whether in or out of context, “Lucky” is at attention. In obedience classes, trainers stress the importance of short commands. Hence the common sit, stay, roll over, settle commands. While your dog may pick up on the tone of your voice, he’s basically hearing, “Lucky, blah blah blah blah sit blah blah.” He’s been trained to associate those words to self-identify and to do do a particular action, the neurons are taught to fire in a certain way when given those commands.

Could it be much the same with a PVS patient? Words triggering neurons in an automated fashion? Will these findings encourage families to keep Uncle Steve alive in a misguided belief that if the neurons are still firing, Uncle Steve is still in there struggling to get out? At what point does quality of life mean more than life itself?