Tag Archive for 'divorce'

Easy come, easy go

Does anyone else find it disturbing that relationships & marriage are treated as disposable, like last season’s shoes? Norah Zelevanksy covers the popularity of mass e-mails to announce divorces and divorce parties (complete with gift registries) to celebrate break ups in Salon article “May We Congratulate You on Your Divorce.”

In some ways, I can understand so many marriages ending in divorce.  100 years ago people weren’t living 80+ years.  When you promised til death do us part, death was like 20 or 30 so years down the road, not 60+.  Anyone can wear out their welcome spending 60+ years in a relationship.

But on the otherhand, shouldn’t folks be more selective in being SURE that one is with the right person before shelling out $15,000 for a wedding that looks like every wedding that has come before?  Why spend the time and money getting hitched if it isn’t at least a 15-20 year investment? I just don’t get it.

Marriage with a 7-year shelf life

A German politician recently suggested that marriages should have a 7-year expiration date, at which time a couple can renew their license or part ways. This suggestion has not met with much support by her party. Absurd as it sounds, I can see her point.

As a singleton I’ve often wondered how anyone, my brilliant friends included, can make the decision to spend the rest of their lives with one person. Given the divorce rate, half of them will likely realize they made the wrong decision, but a portion of them really will spend the next 50 or so years with the same man or woman. Given how much I’ve changed as a person in the past 10 years, I just don’t see how it would be possible for one person to grow in tandem with me over that time span. Drifting would be inevitable.

Seven year blocks are actually fundamental in breaking up your life cycle.

  • 7 y.o — you’re in school full time, shifting the bulk of your waking hours away from family
  • 14 y.o — you’re a teenager; angst is your friend
  • 21 — you’re an adult; you’re out of college; you’re finding yourself sucker punched by a real world that was advertised as something entirely different
  • 28 — statistics say, you’re married. Average age of marriage is now mid to late 20s for men and women.
  • 35 — you’ve started a family of your own; priorities have shifted
  • 42 — middle age; your body isn’t what it used to be
  • 49 — you’re starting to think about the empty nest, because the kids are growing up SO fast
  • 56 — your kids are likely out of college; these days they boomerang back home
  • 63 — grandpa, you’re looking at retirement; the structure of your entire day is going to change dramatically
  • 70 — you’ve picked out your retirement village
  • 77 — doing the doctor circuit keeps you busy
  • 85 — you just might be the last man standing in your social circle (hi, grandma!)

So a 7 year marriage seems reasonable. It would also transform the world of pre-nups as you’d not only have to take into account a devastating split, but one in which both parties grew apart and decided not to renew their marriage.

What do you think? Would a seven year license, with an option to renew, keep the marriage fired up and alive? Or is it a lame demonstration of our increasingly short attention spans? Do you agree with the age breaks above? Or would you make a few changes?