Tag Archive for 'passion'

March Sex and Relationship News Round Up

orange flowers

photo by bensonkua

Bad relationships don’t just take a toll on your mental health, they do damage to your heart and metabolic processes as well.

While both men and women in “strained” unions, those marked by arguing and being angry, were more likely to feel depressed than happier partners, the women in the contentious relationships were more likely to develop high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar and other markers of what’s known as “metabolic syndrome,” said study author Nancy Henry, a doctoral candidate in clinical healthy psychology at the University of Utah.

Metabolic syndrome is known to boost the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

If your relationship isn’t headed in a direction you’re happy with, you have yet another reason to ask, is it worth it?

Alternately, a new study draws into question previous conclusions about marriage and relationships.  Previously, biological anthropologists like Helen Fisher concluded that early in a relationship heightened hormones drove passion and lust, which leveled off after 2-4 years to a more level attachment that kept many relationships together.

In a just published study in the Review of General Psychology, researchers looked at couples from college and middle-age brackets who experienced romantic, passionate, or friendship based love in short and long-term relationships.  Couples who kept the romance going had the most satisfaction in both types of relationships.  Couples in more obsessive relationships were happier in the short-term, than long.  Since it’s just a handful of couples, much more research needs to be done, which could shift our understanding of human partnerships.

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McKinsey's Model Centered Leadership for Women

professionals

photo by foreignoffice

In the latest edition of McKinsey & Company’s  quarterly journal, several consultants expound upon the facets of “model centered leadership,” a type of they’ve identified through extensive interviewing of successful business leaders (primarily women) around the world, from a variety of industries.

it’s about having a well of physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual strength that drives personal achievement and, in turn, inspires others to follow.

There are five key elements according to their research that can help women shift from mere worker to office leader.  As you read, consider how each factors into your work persona and the office politics you engage in.

Meaning

Haven’t we all be told that we should follow our passions; the money will follow?  When you’re getting out of bed 5+ days a week to work on projects that light a fire under you, you’re more attentive and dedicated.

Additionally, tapping into your strengths should allow you to enjoy your time at the office.

People seeking to define what is meaningful can start, as one interviewee put it, by “being honest with yourself about what you’re good at and what you enjoy doing.” Building these signature strengths into everyday activities at work makes you happier, in part by making these activities more meaningful.

Managing Energy

Ever get totally lost in an assignment and before you know it, the day is over? Is that more the norm than a rarity? If so, consider yourself lucky.  Employees that get caught in “flow” are “more productive and derived greater satisfaction from their work than those who did not.”   They’re just as jazzed at the end of the day as when they started.

If you aren’t so lucky as to enjoy “flow,” you still need to find time for a mental and spiritual regroup when you start fading during the work day.  Meditate, stretch, take a walk around the block, anything to take your mind off work for a brief respite.

In fact, you might even talk your employer into providing a power nap space for you and your fellow workers as midday naps are increasingly linked to improved brain function when it came to recall and rote activity, as well as lower risk of heart attack.

Positive Framing

Positive psychology is all the rage.  Martin’s Seligman, from the University of Pennsylvania invites people to take a variety of online quizzes determining your positive quotient.   A new Harvard/UC San Diego study finds that happiness rubs off on the people around you, so just surrounding yourself with a happy  network of people should boost that sentiment within.  Older studies find happy people live longer.

In a similar vein, McKinsey’s researcher found positive framing makes for more proactive leaders who aren’t overwhelmed by failure, but who instead look for the opportunity to turn a situation around.  Positive framing “accepts the facts of adversity and counters them with action.”

If a meeting goes badly, for example, you should limit your thoughts about it to its temporary and specific impact and keep them impersonal. It helps to talk with trusted colleagues about the reasons for the poor meeting and ways to do better next time. These discussions should take place quickly enough for you to make a specific plan and act on it. You should also undertake some activity that will restore both your energy and your faith in yourself

Connecting

Over and over we hear it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.  And to make it as a mover and shaker one needs to cast a pretty wide net.  Past research shows that

People with strong networks and good mentors enjoy more promotions, higher pay, and greater career satisfaction.

Does the type of networking matter?  Evidence is increasingly showing that men and women network differently.

men tend to build broader, shallower networks than women do and that the networks of men give them a wider range of resources for gaining knowledge and professional opportunities.

A women’s focus on building strong relationships isn’t necessarily an asset if you have a great action plan, but don’t have a diverse enough base of contacts to put that plan into play.   So when scheduling those first networking events of 2009, try to go to a few outside your comfort zone and meet people in a different industry. You never know when those casual acquaintances could come in handy.

Interestingly, McKinsey researchers found that unlike men, women don’t innately embrace the concept of “reciprocity”.   When someone reaches out to help you, it’s standard to return the favor.  In fact, making the assist first is more apt to get you the aid you want or need.

I refer back to my own Golden Rule of Networking: when making new connections, I’m always thinking about what I can do for the people I meet; frequently it means making introductions to other people I know.  The same is true when trying to get ahead in the work place.  How can you make a positive impression that serves your supervisor or  senior management.

Though I can’t find the post at the moment,  a blogger recently shared his uses of google alerts to impress a senior level executive in his company.  He subscribed to a number of feeds relevant to the competition and the market place, pulling out the key news pieces each week.  He sent a weekly news round up to that senior executive.  The blogger took action that is useful to the senior level executive who now thinks of Joe Blogger at least once a week when that news round up dings in his in box.

Given the Old Boys’ Network, men are well aware of  the notion that if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.  Ladies, we need to own that very same philosophy.

These connections and cross-promotional efforts are what drive networking organizations like Ladies Who Launch, Downtown Women’s Club, Step Up Women’s Network and Success in the City..  Organizations and networking groups like these exist in major cities across the US.  Take some time to google the opportunities in your city.

Engaging

Your next promotion isn’t going to come to you, you need to create the environment to make it happen.  Speak up and  contribute at staff meetings. Document your successes and the company cost savings you’re responsible for.  If you won’t champion yourself, who will?

Women need to be willing to take risks and “‘create their own luck‘” to get noticed. Some of us are willing to take the leap based on our gut, others take more calculated shots, but we need to engage with colleagues and supervisors to take it to the next level.

Final Thoughts

After reading through the five characteristics of model centered leadership, it was pretty obvious to me that connecting comes naturally to me (as evidenced by the lengthy pontification on that subject above.)

On the other hand, I hate taking risks unless I’m pretty sure I’m right.  I typically would rather stay silent than risk being wrong; it’s a behavior that’s made me a stellar observer.   However, I’m going to make a more conscious effort to be daring in my decision making.

Did any of the above traits resonate with you? Which seem the most foreign?

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