I am a forwarder. Whenever something winds up in my inbox that could help someone else, I pass it along. Sometimes I have to stop myself from sending helpful emails to people I don’t like — yeah, it’s info that person can use, but if we don’t get along, why am I spending time forwarding anything to that person?
Recently, I discussed my compulsive need to be useful with an advisor. There are plenty of people that are always ready to take free help, but are rarely able willing to return the gesture. In theory, when doing the right thing, one shouldn’t be focused on the return on one’s actions, rather we should just do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. To me, it seems as though passing useful information along to my social circle is doing the right thing. . . but I feel like I put way more energy out than comes back to me.
My advisor pointed out that the whole notion of “doing the right thing” is very a very Christian ideal. . . however, she noted, you are (I am) not Christian. Plenty of evil people are very successful, and they don’t help anyone. . . rather, they’re focused on their own needs and wants to the detriment of those around them. The universe isn’t punishing them for being self-absorbed, and we can safely conclude they’re not spending too much time wringing their hands for not doing enough.
Instead, what I need to do is focus on me and the two-way streets out there. People that are returning the energy.
I bring this issue up because I got an e-mail this evening from someone who I feel more and more is a narrow one-way lane. I actually feel kind of taken advantage of. So I’m quitting the assist cold turkey and will instead focus on sharing and helping those I feel I get an equal amount of energy back from. What goes around should come around.
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